|
|
||
 | Hiram M. Chittenden Locks. Seattle, WA May 29, 2006 |
|
| Apple | Cool | Disney | Entertainment | Fitness | Geek | Microsoft | Politics | Seattle Storm | Transit | Travel | UW MBA | ||
|
« Airport Extreme, Super Duper, And A Good Night's Sleep | Main | Keane, "Hopes and Fears" » May 14, 2007"Road House"Last night was "Bad Movie Night" at Kristen & Aaron's; we chose the Patrick Swayze vehicle "Road House" as our flick du jour. Hoo, boy. Look, if you haven't seen "Road House" I can only say that are clearly leading a life of both privilege and disadvantage. "Privilege" because most people should never, ever, ever have to see "Road House." "Disadvantage" because, like the Eiffel Tower, Taj Mahal or Pyramids, watching Swayze's feathered mullet flutter in the breeze as he delivers one hackneyed kung-fu ass-kicking after another to the bad guys is just one of those spectacles in life that cannot, under any circumstances, be replicated or imitated. You just have to see it for yourself. The "plot", if you don't know, is that Swayze plays Dylan, the second-best bouncer in the bar business. He studied philosophy in college, has a high tolerance for pain, does Tai Chi, doesn't drink, and recommends his fellow bouncers "be nice" to the rowdies. He's called in to clean up a bar in a small town ... and then ... uncovers corruption! Which needs fighting! By him! Personally! It all feels very 1989, which is good, because, well, it was filmed then. ("Road House" also has some of the worst lines ever delivered in any movie, anywhere -- and most of them are far too profane for a family-friendly publication like this blog. Suffice to say that we were catcalling and mocking the flick for most of the night. Oh, and the guy who does the voice for "Starscream" is in it. For two seconds.) Last night did raise a number of larger, taxonomic questions about "bad movies" - namely, what's bad? I mean, there are movies that are just awful ("The Pirate Movie", "Wild Wild West"), movies that are so-bad-they're-good ("Plan 9 From Outer Space"), kitchy flicks ("Big Trouble In Little China"), cult hits ("Buckaroo Banzai") and guilty pleasures ("Point Break", "Hudson Hawk"). Which of these is a "bad movie", exactly? I mean, "The Pirate Movie" is just about one of the worst, most unwatchable things ever put on celluloid. Clearly: bad movie. The problem is, I really have zero interest in spending a Sunday - no matter how drunk I may be - watching things of that, um, quality. But we still want to have "Bad movie night." How to tell one kind of bad from another? We obviously need a good criteria by which to judge bad movies. I've proposed a point system, of sorts - this is still really rough - whereby if a certain criteria is true, then the movie gets a certain number of points. Eventually, depending on the point total, the movie can fall in to a category from "re-runs on Starz for eternity" to "tear your eyeballs out." Possible candidates for points:
And so on. So we want bad. But how bad? And how to judge it? Thoughts? Posted by Gavin Shearer at May 14, 2007 1:21 PM. Posted to Entertainment. CommentsHey, I forgot it was Slate's fault that we got into this!! I watch so few movies lately that I'd really like to spend my time watching GOOD bad movies, so I appreciate your work towards good criteria. I did think that "Road House" was a better bad movie than "The Pirate Movie," and I especially enjoyed all of our snarky comments. As for your point system, I'm confused: are more points better (more likely to be a candidate for our viewing) or worse? One criterion that I'd like to include, which I think I mentioned last night, is the relative importance in the pop-culture zeitgeist. A bad movie that gets referenced a lot in other media (like, I don't know, maybe "Caddyshack") would rate higher for me. Posted by: netsirk I didn't know that "Starscream" was in Road House! Fun. I did know he was also Cobra Commander -- that's pretty common knowledge -- but did you know that he was also the captain of the alien ship in the ST:TNG episode "Samaritan Snare"? Think, "He is smart, he will make us go." Classic. :) Posted by: Mr. Sharumpe Oh yeah, you forgot Christopher Walken and/or Duane Johnson (The Rock). "The Rundown," which has both, is wonderfully schlocky. However, whatever else you do, avoid "The Scorpion King" at all costs, unless you really liked "Conan" and "Red Sonja." (we did.) Posted by: Mr. Sharumpe Three words for you: Quigley Down Under. Also, I agree with the Christopher Walken rule, soley on the basis of "The Prophecy", which totally rocks. Posted by: Marnie Post a commentThanks for signing in, . Now you can comment. (sign out) (If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved by the site owner before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.)« Airport Extreme, Super Duper, And A Good Night's Sleep | Main | Keane, "Hopes and Fears" » |
